My little secret

Although I'm not sure it is much of a secret to anyone who really know me, knows I'm a little freaky, anal, OCD, whatever word they may use to describe me.

Anyone who may meet me may think I'm friendly but a bit shy. What they may not notice is I'm freaking out on the inside. I have social anxiety and it is really debilitating at times. I'm not really sure when it started, sometime when I was a teen but living in a small town where everyone knows everyone, I dealt with it a lot better then I do now. Although I may appear normal, my brain is screaming at me to run away, hide, lock myself in my room, curl up into a ball and never come out. This makes life with two kids very difficult. I would love to join the PTA, volunteer with my daughter's school but there is this HUGE wall stopping me. Whenever I'm in a situation with new people I start to get very nervous. I get migraines and make myself sick. It is very hard being this way, especially when it is my dream to start my own business. I keep reminding myself that in order to work with people... I have to actually talk to them!

I love my online world, which most people would think is a bit sad, but to me it is perfect because I can really open myself up. I have two friends who I talk to daily and although I've never met them and they both live a bazillion miles away, they are my link to the outside world, to friendship and normalcy.

I'm not sure what to do to cure myself of this anxiety. I'm sure there is a medication that can help and therapy but with our health insurance we have now, only until February, I'm not sure I should start something when I'm not sure I can follow through long term. Am I destined to remain in my shell forever?

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Twilight

Yes, I am not ashamed to admit, I am in the cult. I only recently came across this deliciously addictive saga but I am hooked. My friend Jen sent me the first book, named Twilight of course, last week. I got into it and was hooked right away. Then she pointed me towards some online freebie access to the movie and I had to watch it.. then again.. and again. I know some people were disappointed with the movie but hey its a MOVIE based on a book! We all know how those turn out.

I happened to really like the movie. It did not go into all of the book I had hoped and missed out on some parts I thought were prominent to the story but all in all it really helped put faces and places in my mind when I re-read the book.....which I did 3 more times!

Jen sent me the second book, New Moon, which should be arriving any day now. I am on pins and needles to read it as well as the Twilight DVD release tomorrow!

I even know people who are going to Forks, Washington for the big DVD launch party they are having there! Fun stuff.

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Snow and Blood.. not in that order

Christopher needed a CBC and a lead recheck. Just the regular 2 yr old stuff that we hadn't done yet oops!!

He was so great, he watched them put the needle in, flinched just a little but nothing bad, said "ohhh" and that was about it! She said to him "oh what a good boy you are" and he said 'yeah I are!!"

He was very good and she gave him 6 stickers!

Tomorrow Elizabeth may have another snow day. We are expecting 8-15 inches! I hope this is the last snowfall for the year. They are doing snow removal around the city today, which I am glad for because if they pile anymore snow up in front of our house We won't be able to see the road! Ok that was a big of an exaggeration but to Christopher and Elizabeth it is accurate!

I have been training for an online job at a company called KGB. They have just started an ad campaign so you may have already heard about them. What we do is answer questions that people text in from their cell phones. For the last week, I've had a shadow. A person who has been with the company for a while to look over my work before sending it out to the customer. I just got my email this morning that my shadow shifts are over and I am a full fledged KGB agent! It pays .10 per text which doesn't seem but but it does add up! Hopefully it will work out. It is a fun job and I enjoy doing it.

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Bad bad blogger!!

I just don't seem to have time anymore! I'm now working two at home jobs and with the kids thrown into the mix, it seems as there is not enough hours in the day! Right now I'm going through a cleaning phase. My girl friends tease me about nesting but I think its just early spring cleaning! I would LOVE to open the windows and let some fresh air in but it's still way way too cold for that. I am ready for spring though, I am!

We are getting ready for Elizabeth's birthday. I can't believe how time has flown by! Feb 10th my baby will be 5! That's a big one as far as birthdays go! That week we will also be registering her for full day kindergarten! I am happy to have her in full day in September but will not be looking forward to 8:30am -5 bus stop trips!

Her birthday party is going to be Feb 15th, and since it's the day after Valentines we are having a red and pink heart theme. Heart shaped cake with butter cream frosting, red accents and little red cinnamon hearts. She will be inviting the girls from her class and I hope some of them can come. I know she will be devastated if no one comes especially since we are having a kid only party this year to avoid any family drama.

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Lost

Tonight is the first episode of Season 5!! I am DVR'ing it because my head is burning up, my stomach is queasy and I feel icky. Hopefully I will feel up to giving a brief synopsis tomorrow of tonight's episode.

I will leave you with this image....

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Tagged!?

So my friend Jules (of Jules and the Gang) tagged me to do this 10 honest things about myself post. Here we go!

1. I was born in Williams Lake, British Columbia on July 28th 1979. I am 3rd and last born to my mother Sharon and only born child to my father Randy.

2. I have one brother and two sisters, one who passed away in 2003 after a long batter with breast cancer and my little sister who was adopted in 1997.

3. I have lived in Williams Lake BC, Fort St James BC, Price George BC, Collingwood Ont, Victoria BC, Broadalbin NY and finally Amsterdam NY

4. I was involved in many activities as a child. Swimming, Dance, Gymnastics, Figure Skating, Bowling, Girl Guides and a few others.

5. I am incredible shy and suffer from social anxiety. I am OCD about time. To the point where I will have a panic attack about being late or someone being late.

6. When I was 23 my life changed forever. I lost my sister, I met and married my soul mate and created this most amazing little girl. Almost 3 years later, my little boy came into our lives and our family was complete.

7. After both of my kids' births I suffered, non-medicated, from PPD. It took me about a year or so with each of them to get over it.

8. There are people in our lives that I can't stand. One person in particular that I just want to SHAKE because their actions hurt everyone around them and they don't give a shit.

9. I am devoted to my children, sometimes too much. I never take time for myself and sometimes my marriage suffers because of it. I am working on it.

10. I want to be a photographer. I am working slowly to build my own studio.

So there, 10 things about me.

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6347

3 years ago our computer died, something to do with the power source. Even thought it was only 2 years old, we were living in the old Broadalbin Hotel at the time and power outages were common. The day the computer died, I cried. All of Elizabeth's photos from my pregnancy to her 18 months where on the computer. I did have some uploaded to a place online but they closed down without any notice(or at least any that I saw!)

I thought all her pictures were gone for good. I had a few but I wanted all those memories. Our memories.

Last night Chris decided to redo his computer. It had been acting up and he wanted to reinstall everything. He wanted to see if the old computer's RAM would fit in his and at the same time he took the old hard drive out. He installed it in his computer.. booted it up and recovered ALL the lost photos!

I am currently uploading 6347 photos on dropshots and then I will burn them all to DVD as well.

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Post Christmas Funk

Every year after Christmas I get into a funk. I don't know if it's because there is nothing Fun to look forward to anymore or what. I feel just blah. I have lots of chores to do but wish it would all just go away so I could crawl into bed and sleep for 3 days. I'm trying to get excited about a new year, new start and hopefully *knock on wood* a new job!

I've been desperately trying to find a job at home so I can be here with my kids and take some of the financial stress off Chris. He works so hard and I know it's getting to him. Hopefully 2009 will bring some good for us.

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FYI

Fixed the comments! It wasn't working for some reason so I changed it to a popup version and it seems to be working fine now. Thanks Chele for bringing it to my attention.

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Date Night

Chris and I went out on Saturday , dinner and bowling. Diner SUCKED. Well the food was good but the service was horrid!! We went out bowling after and despite the fact we both totally suck, we had a great time. I hope we can do it again soon.

We had to laugh at ourselves though. We started our big date at 4pm and were home by 9:30. I think we are getting old!

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Randomly Me

Yesterday I turned 29. We had planned to go to the lake for my birthday but the weather had other ideas and we had to run around and get some errands done for Elizabeth's preschool registration.

Chris asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said, two things. One I want dunkin donuts coffee in the morning and I want to get my hair done.

I decided to go back to curly hair, it really does suit me more then my natural straight limp locks. The appointment took two hours. The kids and Chris sat and watched the whole time. Elizabeth got a little trim to clean up the scissor incendent from a while back.

After my hair was done, we headed to Schenectady to a car audio place for Chris which turned out to be a wasted trip. Over to dunkin donuts to grab the coffee I requested(and free munchkins for the kids!) Then back home to go shopping.

My new hair requires a bit more attention then just wash and brush. I had to get some curl defining products and shampoos. 30 bucks later we headed to the grocery store. I was in the mood for steak and Chris has this new found obsession for snow crab(thanks Mom for wanting to go to Red Lobster!). I've become quite the good little bbq'er lately! Tossed on my 2 inch thick NY strip steak and Chris's crab legs on as well as a couple hot dogs for the kids and soon dinner was ready and the end of our day was nearing.

After the kids were in bed, I took a quick shower to cool off and Chris snapped a picture of the new hair. It was a pretty good day, even if I did have to turn another year older.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

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Pre- Birthday Date

So our date didn't go exactly as planned.

The original plan was to go to Arby's for a quick bite then to see Stepbrother then Dark Knight.

Chris was suppose to be here at 2:30 so he could shower and change after work. He didn't show up until almost 3 which at first I was getting a little annoyed but he had a good excuse. He stopped at this little chocolate shop and got me a box of mixed truffles and dark chocolate almond bark! We left the house just after 3 and went to Red Lobster. He got the king crab legs and I got a strip steak(I can't eat seafood). We also had dessert which pushed us over on our time budget. We ended up missing Stepbrothers but that's ok. We walked around the mall a bit before Dark Knight came on.


Dark Knight, what a movie!! 2.5 hours but not one point in it was there a moment of "when is this movie going to be over?" Heath Ledger... Amazing! Creepy and just an outstanding performance! This was a "must see in theater" movie!

It was really a great birthday date! Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair done at 1! YAY!

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Funkytown

Since my parents left, I've been in a funk. I'm not sure if it is because I went from being out and about everyday for a week to staying home bored or if it is because my dad left me this nasty cold. I love to remind him that he made me sick so yeah Thanks Dad! It probably doesn't help any that we work up to a nasty stormy day. I'm grateful to get a break from the heat but it's just so dreary outside!

I think the kids are feeling it too. They have been in a bad mood all day, especially Christopher which is so unlike him!

On a brighter note, I am very much looking forward to Saturday! Chris is taking me out for my birthday a little early. We are going to see Dark Knight and Stepbrother! A quick bite to eat at my favorite fast food chain, Arby's and it will be a great night away from the kids! Hopefully, weather permitting, Monday we will go up to Lake Pleasant for some swimming.

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So gross!!

Last night my eye got irritated and this morning I couldn't even open it because it was all nasty..... yuck I have pinkeye! This is totally gross!! I hate being sick. It is a good thing it's raining because we were suppose to be going to the lake. If we had to stay home on a beautiful day, I would of been really pissed!

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I did it!!!

I am now the proud owner of a New York State learners permit! Yesterday Chris took me to DMV to take the written test. I was so nervous, I felt like I was going to throw up. My anxitiy is very high in situations like that but I did it. I got 100% on the test and will have my permanent license in the mail in a couple weeks!

Chris even let me drive his car home from the grocery store!

My parents will be here tomorrow, big week coming up!

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My new lovey!!

After a long conversation about our relationship, how we need to spend more time together, Chris took us on a little adventure.

Yesterday we drove up to Vermont to the Manchester Outlets. After walking probably 4 miles around the little town and dinner (not anything to brag about, it kind of sucked) at this little Mexican place we came home. We were there for probably 3 hours.

When we got there, I mentioned I saw a Carters. Chris said NO, this trip is not for the kids!

Shopping around, we went into the Coach store and I came out with this little beauty

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

At 50% off the tag price(169) It was a little over 90 bucks after tax. Next we went to Lane Bryant and I got some new sunglasses, watch and capris! When we got home we found out she didn't charge us for the sunglasses!

We stopped for icecream then headed home to put two very tired kids to bed. We snuggled up and watched Mr.Woodcock on PPV then went to bed.

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Changes

I really need to reevaluate my life. I've been a stay at home mom for so long, I've let it consume me. I've forgotten that I am still a woman. I am not just a mom. I have goals for myself.

One of the goals I have is to get my license. I have had my permit before but never followed through. I need to get my permit again, stop being so goddamn scared and take the test.

I know a lot of my fear, is fear of failure. I stop myself from failing by not trying in the first place. I need to just get over it and do it. I need to see there is more to life then just my house and kids.

Look out motorists... here I come!

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She found me!

I started my life in Williams Lake, British Columbia. I went to Poplar Glade Elementary school and in the 2nd grade I met my first best friend. Her name was Michelle and we did everything together. We were friends right up until 6th grade when I moved to Fort St. James. A year later she moved to Nelson and we lost all contact.

For the past 10 or so years, I've been looking for her. Using the internet to search her name, using MySpace and finally using FaceBook. Yesterday, I got the shock of the day when I saw a request from Michelle!! Of course I accepted right away. It is so nice to be in contact with her. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Through her, I also tried to make contact with two other girls from elementary school. I hope they remember me. I pink fuzzy sparkly heart FaceBook!

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In Pain

Despite lathering myself up with sunscreen yesterday I got a mother of a sunburn after an hour in the pool. The kids are fine, they had SPF 50 and I only had SPF 35. Lesson learned, use the kids lotion! Everything from my chest up hurts, my skin feels like it shrunk 3 sizes. This. Really. Hurts.

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What an incredible night!

Dinner was simply amazing! We got to the restaurant and they brought us to our table at the back of the restaurant. It was quite busy and needed an updated interior decoration but the atmosphere was very nice. Our waitress was a bit new but did her job very well. It was busy and you could tell she was getting a little bit flustered.

The meal was incredible. We started with a nice light salad. I had Caesar and Chris had a green salad with a Parmesan peppercorn dressing. Both of our dressings were made by the house and I've never tasted a Caesar as good as theirs!

Next we had escargot in mushroom caps. Chris had never tasted escargot before and although he thought they were a little weird, he enjoyed them. They were not exactly what I am used to because there was so much juice from the mushroom caps but I thought they were good as well.

On to our entree. Chris had two lobster tails, cheddar mashed potatoes and white asparagus with a light hollandaise sauce. I had the house special of prime rib, baked potato and the asparagus as well.

My prime rib was cooked perfectly and just melted in your mouth, creamy and buttery. Just perfect. I've never had prime rib as good as this. Chris was amazed by his lobster as well.

Our desserts, I don't even have the right words to describe the burst of flavour from mine. I ordered a mixed berry cake and Chris ordered the Tiramisu. His was perfect, probably one of the best Tiramisu I've ever tasted but mine... Mine was an explosion of berries. A light crumb cake topped with a Chantilly cream and a mixture of 4 or 5 different berries. Each bite was heavenly!

After our dinner we went to the movies. We got our tickets for the 9:30 Don't Mess with the Zohan and Chris played a few games in the arcade before the show started. The movie was very funny, definitely for the Adam Sandler lover. We had a 20 minute long intermission, though, because the projector stopped working half hour into the movie. Despite that, we had a great time.

We got home at 12:30 and collapsed in exhaustion from the night. We couldn't of asked for a better anniversary!

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