>> Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Although I'm not sure it is much of a secret to anyone who really know me, knows I'm a little freaky, anal, OCD, whatever word they may use to describe me.
Anyone who may meet me may think I'm friendly but a bit shy. What they may not notice is I'm freaking out on the inside. I have social anxiety and it is really debilitating at times. I'm not really sure when it started, sometime when I was a teen but living in a small town where everyone knows everyone, I dealt with it a lot better then I do now. Although I may appear normal, my brain is screaming at me to run away, hide, lock myself in my room, curl up into a ball and never come out. This makes life with two kids very difficult. I would love to join the PTA, volunteer with my daughter's school but there is this HUGE wall stopping me. Whenever I'm in a situation with new people I start to get very nervous. I get migraines and make myself sick. It is very hard being this way, especially when it is my dream to start my own business. I keep reminding myself that in order to work with people... I have to actually talk to them!
I love my online world, which most people would think is a bit sad, but to me it is perfect because I can really open myself up. I have two friends who I talk to daily and although I've never met them and they both live a bazillion miles away, they are my link to the outside world, to friendship and normalcy.
I'm not sure what to do to cure myself of this anxiety. I'm sure there is a medication that can help and therapy but with our health insurance we have now, only until February, I'm not sure I should start something when I'm not sure I can follow through long term. Am I destined to remain in my shell forever?