It is Christmas and I can't hide my depression. I put on a smile for Chris and his family but I'm crying on the inside. No money, no presents, no family.
Smiling despite my splotchy face from crying
It's a girl! We had our second ultrasound today and she was more then willing to show off! She is looking great and our due date is confirmed for Feb 11th.
We went to the ER this morning because I was up all night with bad morning sickness. Chris was scared I was getting dehydrated and he was right. When we were there, they gave me my first ultrasound. Everything was ok, a couple of bags of saline I was able to go home. The baby looks great.
Over the past few months, My life has changed so much. I quit my job, I moved to New York, my sister passed away, I eloped and I found out I was pregnant all in a month!
Living in a one room hotel room, my belly growing bigger, my family angry with me for leaving them at such a tragic time I can't help but think did I make the right choice? My mom blames me for my sisters death. Like if I didn't leave she never would of died and would of beaten the cancer that was eating away her body. I know she is just hurt and sad but I'm hurt and I'm sad and I'm angry at her for using me as her scapegoat.
I love my husband and I love this little person growing inside of me. Life is hard and our path is going to be very bumpy for a while but I really can't say I have any regrets. I'm getting to know my new family and they are excited about the baby.
I miss my sister terribly but all I can think of is she left me this special little person. Thanksgiving is coming soon, then Christmas. My first Christmas without my family, with out my sister but I know Chris is here with me, loving me.
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